a little ditty

The further I take myself away from my past, the more I am drawn to face it through different lenses.  I used to spend all my free time on aspects of photography.  I had all lens sizes that my teenage income could acquire and I loved being able to see the differences small changes could have on the outcome. I miss those days exploring the beauty surrounding me or hunting for it if it wasn't obvious before me.  I would plan hiking trips around the ability to take good photos.  

Then, I had the brilliant idea to pack both of my good cameras in a suitcase on my way to the Dominican Republic.  Needless to say, that resulted in never receiving my luggage.  Something I've learned is that when events such as these happen to me, instead of getting angry about it I decide that it's not a big enough thing to dwell on and take it as a challenge to learn from and maybe pursue new avenues. 

So, I decided I couldn't afford a new camera and that would just be the end of my photography days. 

Did I mention I miss those days?  

Part of the reason I was able to convince myself that part of my life was over, was that I had gotten to the point in photography that I wasn't learning anything new or challenging myself and if I wanted to get any better, I would have to start seriously making an effort to learn and grow in this hobby.  But this seemed like a hobby with too high an expense to maintain and I wasn't that willing to push myself to get better.  And really, where was it going to take me?  Instead I would pursue career... but look where that's taken me.  I'm still trying to pinpoint a specialty in career, without success.  

The reason I write this is because I have too often decided to quite something once I've reached my capacity to get better without more invested effort to get better.  This was true of basketball, volleyball, drama, singing, and studies.  

I'm meditating on this subject again because I'm thinking about my thesis topic for my MA at the moment.  Whichever topic I choose, I know that I'll have to dig deeper than I really want to go on any subject. Why?  Because I would prefer to have a delicate understanding of almost everything instead of a deep knowledge of something specific.  This is a challenge to myself to go deeper, think critically, and pursue my passions.  I'm even thinking strongly of going back to my love of photography... and it's that thought that makes me smile again!